Shattered Admiration
by Durbe the Barian
Summary: "Admiration is the state furthest away from understanding." Aizen was not the first to say that to Toshiro. Only the first to twist them. - Rated because I'm uncertain it deserves K plus.


**Bleach**

**Shattered Admiration**

**Angst**

**Toshiro, Isshin**

"**Admiration is the state furthest away from understanding." Aizen was not the first to say those words to Toshiro. Only the first to twist them.**

**(Sorry to all Toshiro, HitsuKarin, or Hyourinmaru fans. I don't own Bleach.)**

* * *

Shattered Admiration

* * *

"Admiration is the state furthest away from understanding."

Those words wrenched Toshiro's heart in a way not even Aizen knew. He ripped his sword from his sheathe in a fit of blind fury, not just because the man before him betrayed the woman who respected him most, but because he had twisted the meaning behind those words so terribly. A growl escaped from between his teeth as he uttered his command.

"Bankai."

In an instant, everything around him froze, his wings unfurling to show all their frosted beauty.

"Daiguren Hyourinmaru!"

In blind rage, Toshiro lunged at the traitorous Shinigami, fully intent on ending his life.

If only he could see through the illusion that had been placed before him.

A second later, Toshiro's entire right side burned with pain, his Bankai shattering as his knees touched the floor. "This isn't...possible," were the only words that Toshiro was able to mutter before falling to the ground, the entire world going black as Aizen stepped past him.

* * *

"_Toshiro...Toshiro?_"

**"****What? Who is that? Who's calling me?"**

"_Toshiro?_"

**"****It feels so familiar. Who is that?"**

"_HEY! TOSHIRO!"_

With a heavy whack to the head, Toshiro found himself eating dirt and frosted grass.

"What's the matter with you, Toshiro!? You gone into your Inner World while standing up or what!?"

"Ung," went Toshiro, lifting his head up and spitting the grass out in a huff.

Then he looked up.

Isshin Shiba, who, incidentally, was tapping his sheathed blade against his shoulder.

"Captain Shiba, did you just hit me with your weapon?" Toshiro asked, tears threatening to pour down his face; his head hurt so bad.

"Well, of course I did," Isshin said with a huff. "When you stop talking like that and look like a dazed fool, how else am I supposed to get your attention?"

Toshiro let out a growl as he rubbed the back of his white head of hair. "Maybe by trying something that doesn't end up cracking my skull," he said sarcastically, getting off of the ground with a grumble.

"With that head of yours? I couldn't crack it even if I wanted to," Isshin said.

Toshiro wasn't entirely sure if he should have taken that as a compliment or an Isshin-Class insult.

* * *

**I remember now. Aizen wasn't the first to even think about saying those things to me. He was actually about 20 years too late to surprise me with such a choice of words.**

* * *

"Toshiro, do you admire somebody?" Isshin asked out of the blue.

"Huh?" went Toshiro, innocently eating a rice ball that his grandmother had prepared for him earlier that day. "Admire?"

"Yeah. Admire. You know. To look up to somebody. Maybe to want to become like them in the future. Every boy's got an idol, after all."

"Yeah, right," Toshiro mumbled, chomping down on his rice ball.

"Come on, Toshiro," Isshin practically pleaded. "Don't you have somebody that you look up to?"

Toshiro simply turned his head.

"Well, kind of," he admitted.

"Oh? Who is he?"

"That's nothing you have to concern yourself with."

* * *

**I was too embarrassed to say that the one I admired was my own Captain. Maybe I was worried about what he would say if he found out. Or maybe it was because he would have said something stupid and ruined the mood. Either way, I didn't answer him and said something so out of turn, I lacked the want to look Captain Shiba in the eye. **

**Until he began to tell me about his lesson for that day.**

* * *

"Admiration is the state furthest away from understanding."

Toshiro looked over his shoulder so he could see his Captain's face as he spoke. "What do you mean?" he couldn't help but ask.

"Well, look at it this way, Toshiro," Isshin said, standing up and looking to the sky. "You can admire everything about a person, from their beliefs to the way they style their hair, and yet at the same time, not understand a single thing about them. And when that happens, the emotion of admiration could never be further from the emotion of understanding. Take someone like Ukitake for example."

Toshiro took another bite out of his lunch and listened carefully.

"He's admired by everybody in his Squad, and they all know where he's coming from," Isshin continued. "So their admiration for him is greater than anybody else in all of the Seireitei."

"Yeah," Toshiro admitted.

"Then there's someone like Gin."

Toshiro's shoulders sagged when the fox-faced Captain was mentioned.

Not that Isshin took notice. "People can have some admiration and respect for him, but I don't think anyone in all the Soul Society could get what's going through that silver head of his. I mean, I can't and I've worked with him for over 40 years."

"Well, that's true," Toshiro thought, finishing his rice ball.

"So you see, any admiration for Gin and the admiration for Ukitake are two very different admirations," Isshin concluded. "And that's because the Squads understand Ukitake's philosophies."

There, Toshiro looked his Captain in the eye.

"So you see, Toshiro," Isshin said, "understanding the person you admire makes all the difference. If you try to understand why they do something, and learn the reasons, your admiration for that person could either get stronger...or completely shattered."

Isshin then cast Toshiro a sidelong glance. "Do you understand anything about the person you admire, Toshiro?"

Toshiro hesitated for a moment, his eyes widening as he thought of his answer.

"Well?" went Isshin suddenly, eyes sparkling with happiness. "Come on. You can tell me."

"If I answered that question, the one that I admire would only get a swelled head," Toshiro answered, turning himself away.

"Aww," went Isshin. "But I worked so hard on that lesson hoping that you would spill the beans."

"You mean that was the only reason you gave that speech?!" Toshiro asked in disbelief. "Baka-Taicho!"

"No, it wasn't," Isshin said, rubbing Toshiro's snow-white hair. "But I did hope that you'd tell me."

"Yeah, right," said Toshiro, sipping his water. "Like I'd tell you. You'd just tell the whole Squad that your 'son' has finally taken the next step forward and has an idol."

"Awww," went Isshin. "How did you figure me out?"

"You're a Shiba," Toshiro said nonchalantly. "You're very good at expressing your emotions through body movements."

"Man," Isshin groaned, letting his chin fall in the heel of his hand.

While Captain Shiba wallowed in his sadness at his failed attempt, Toshiro cast a sidelong glance of his own, the smallest of grins painting his face.

"Oh well," Isshin said suddenly. "Hey, Toshiro, did your granny pack you amanatto?"

"Uh, yeah," Toshiro answered hesitantly. "Why?"

"Good. Let me have some!"

"What!? No way, Captain! You already devoured the ones that Granny gave **you**!"

"But they're good and you're not eatin' 'em," Isshin said. "Come on. Let me have some."

"No way!"

* * *

_"__Admiration is the state furthest away from understanding."_

_" __If you try to understand why they do something, and learn the reasons, your admiration for that person could either get stronger...or completely shattered."_

**That was what you believed, wasn't it...Captain Shiba?**

**...You were right.**

* * *

Toshiro's eyes slowly opened up, the world once blurry soon growing clear. It felt like a heavy weight was on his chest, rendering it difficult to breathe properly. An oxygen mask was on his face, something he noticed as he tried to get up. His shoulder burned with a fiery pain, forcing him back down with a cough.

"Hey, you're finally up."

With an aching neck, Toshiro turned his head, his eyes cast on a shadowed Shinigami.

One that strongly resembled his late Captain.

"Captain...Shiba?" he thought, his eyes widening in surprise.

The shadowed Shinigami then leaned forward a little bit, a grin on his face as the light in the room allowed it to be shown.

"Hey, kid," he said. "Good to see that you ain't toast."

Nope. It wasn't Captain Shiba. Sounded like him – in some ways – and looked like him in his younger years, but it wasn't him.

Even Captain Shiba would never be so foolish as to dye his hair orange.

"Who are...you?" Toshiro asked.

"Name's Ichigo Kurosaki," the Shinigami said. "But that's not important right now." He turned his head to the opened door. "Hey! Unohana! The kid's up now."

"Kid?" Toshiro couldn't help but mentally repeat.

He would have frozen the obnoxious Shinigami on the spot if he had his zanpakuto.

And the strength to swing it would have been greatly appreciated as well.

Just then, the Squad Four Captain entered the room. "Thank you, Kurosaki," she said. "I appreciate you watching him until he awoke."

"No sweat," Ichigo said, getting up from his chair. "Besides, I wanted to see the Captain that attacked Aizen before me and Renji anyway."

"Ai...zen?" Toshiro asked.

All eyes were on the Captain, who was, again, trying to force himself to sit up.

"Hey, I don't think that's a good idea," Ichigo said uneasily.

Toshiro looked over to them both. "Where...is Aizen?" he asked, sweat pouring down his temple.

"Captain Hitsugaya, please lie back down," Unohana said, making her way over to Toshiro's side, her hands at the ready. "Your wounds have just barely closed. If you move too much, they'll reopen again."

"Where is Aizen?" Toshiro asked again as Unohana laid him back down.

"Forget it," Ichigo said. "You can barely sit up. Get some shut eye first, then you can worry about Aizen."

Toshiro's eyes narrowed.

"He is correct," Unohana said. "So please get some rest, Captain Hitsugaya." When she noticed that Toshiro was stubbornly refusing to listen, she quickly added, "Lieutenant Hinamori is in recuperation as well. Once you get strong enough, I'll take you to her room."

Toshiro's eyes widened when he heard that.

Momo was still alive? He couldn't think of anything better to hear in his situation.

Exhaustion creeped up on him moments later, and his eyes closed once again.

Unohana smiled softly as she readjusted the blankets.

Sighing, Ichigo then turned away as he rubbed the back of his head. "Man, that kid is so darn stubborn," he said. "I thought for sure he was going to do something stupid." ←[Because he would have done the same thing. They're like brothers.]

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**D.T.B: Review?**


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